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Commander Pants

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Whom God Would Destroy Kindle Edition

by Commander Pants (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

3.5 50 ratings

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It's 1987, and "God" has returned to Earth to goof on humanity once more. Equipped with a new message and a bell that makes people happy, he opens up a new age store, ready to have some fun. Fortunately, things don't turn out quite like He'd planned.

Luke Rhinehart, author of the cult classic, "The Dice Man," called "Whom God Would Destroy," “a wonderful novel, with an original comic vision and style that had me laughing aloud.”

Whom God Would Destroy is a thought provoking novel about God, insanity, Big Macs, space aliens and the search for the Ultimate Orgasm...but mostly it's about taking reality with a pillar of salt.

Editorial Reviews

Review

5 Stars - "It's a comic gem."
-Luke Rhinehart (author of ("The Dice Man")

5 Stars - "I loved it...it is delightful, and a quick read. I had a blast in its pages and I can easily recommend it to those of you out there who like a little peanut-butter-nuttiness with your religion."
- Midwest Book Review

5 Stars- Winner of the Heretic Badge of Honor (Spring 2011) - "Whom God Would Destroy is the most brilliant irreligious romp I've been fortunate enough to read...This is a novel of celestial proportions."
- The Scattering

4 Stars- "Smart and funny, the book makes an insightful commentary about the medicated age we live in...a novel filled with ideas that challenges the notion of reality--there is much to enjoy." - K. Harris (Amazon Top 10 Hall of Fame Reviewer)

From the Author

hi(gh)

From the Inside Flap

"God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire

"When I do good I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion."
- Abraham Lincoln

"I think greed is healthy. You can be greedy and still feel good about yourself."
- Ivan Boesky

"Two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun."
- Needham, Harper and Steers

More praise for WHOM GOD WOULD DESTROY:

"Only two or three times in my life have I had a chance to read novel in manuscript form that was much better and more original than ninety percent of the published books I read. WHOM GOD WOULD DESTROY was one of these"
- Luke Rhinehart (author of The Dice Man)

"Whom God Would Destroy is in a word, brilliant. In another few: hilarious, irreverent, and downright heretical."
- The Scattering

"Thematically, not many books can tackle so many serious subjects in such an absurd but meaningful way. Commander Pants touches on mental health, medication, religion, consumerism, selfishness, sexuality, reality and Big Macs."
- Eclectic-Eccentric

"If you look past the laughs and the intriguingly outlandish plot, you might get to thinking about some of the ideas explored in the story...The reader doesn't have to think about this stuff if he doesn't want to...But you probably will end up pondering at least one of these issues, and wonder how Commander Pants managed to be so amusing and thought provoking at the same time."
- Illiterarty

"This novel builds to an amazing and satisfying climax, and will provide the reader with quite a few things to ponder over several days after turning the last page."
- Geldred

""WHOM GOD WOULD DESTROY is on of those books that has so many themes going on (a vengeful God, consumerism, mental illness, medication and aliens) it's any wonder the story makes sense; however, the author did a great job of tying them all together using a velvet hammer disguised as a satirical storyline."
- Bookfetish

"It pleasantly reminded me of one of the darker Hitchhiker's Guide books - slightly surreal, yet quite enjoyable."
- Beth's Book Review

"I enjoyed it - this fun poke at psychiatry and religion and Mickey-D-lovin' aliens, along with a sincere but clever and witty exploration of the debate about medicating the mentally ill. It provokes thought amidst its dark humor and unapologetic blasphemy."
- Nanny Goats in Panties

"...But funny hi-jinks aside, we found a rather poignant message embedded in the story: Happiness may well be found in making other people happy. Simple. Easy. Okay, okay...so that particular message was imparted by a returned-to-Earth-Jesus who is having fun manipulating us sheep-like mortals. But we liked it nonetheless."
- Reader's Respite

From the Back Cover

When "God" decides to mess with humanity once more, he runs into a few kinks he didn't foresee...

"WHOM GOD WOULD DESTROY is a wonderful novel, with an original comic vision and style that had me laughing aloud. Commander pants has created a unique cast of characters and tells a story that gets increasingly mad as we proceed, climaxing in a series of scenes, each topping the previous one. Read it!"
- Luke Rhinehart (author of "The Dice Man")

"A light-hearted romp through the big boys of serious topics - WHOM GOD WOULD DESTROY examines the subjects of religion, psychiatry, the mentally ill and alien conspiracies in a sniggeringly hilarious plot twists and a whole new understanding of the universe as it is."
- Illiterarty

"Commander Pants has written a novel that cleverly forces one to question human nature while making us laugh."
- Reading Backwards

"Commander Pants has a gift for characterization and the rare ability to juggle and seamlessly interweave a series of largely-unrelated subplots...The Hitchhikers Guide to the Psyche, with a extra helping of blasphemy."
- Reading for Sanity

WHOM GOD WOULD DESTROY, a novel about God, insanity and the search for the Ultimate Orgasm!

About the Author

Commander Pants lives with his mysterious wife and mysterious daughter in a rather mysterious cottage. In addition to his writing, he also composes music and found image videos. You can see and hear much more of his work at commanderpants.com. Please visit. It's better than sex (okay, not really good sex).

His less-than-mysterious alter-ego, Steven May, has invented the party board game, Acronymble (acronymble.com), as well as the 2-player abstract strategy game, Fourt (currently in the design phase with Monkey Pod Games). He has also created a museum installation piece called the "Interactive Aural Collage."

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B003KK57G4
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Pantsateria; 2nd edition (May 5, 2010)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ May 5, 2010
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 889 KB
Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 316 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #3,194,201 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #3,972 in Metaphysical Science Fiction eBooks
- #5,008 in Satire
- #5,739 in Humorous Science Fiction (Books)

Customer Reviews:
3.5 50 ratings

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Customer reviews

3.5 out of 5

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Isabela Morales

Warning: Religion Can Be Dangerous to Your Health

Reviewed in the United States on March 5, 2011

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What can I say? This is a novel of celestial proportions. The tag line alone ("a novel about taking reality with a pillar of salt") had me sold on the eccentric Commander Pants's irreverent speculative fiction novel. The plot-a second incarnation of Jesus Christ returning to 1980s America to "infect" humanity with faith via public access television-is impudent, incredibly imaginative (bizarre might be a better word), and immaculately written. I expected the book to be good if not exactly godly, but Whom God Would Destroy turned is nothing if not great. For that, I am officially awarding Commander Pants the Scattering's prestigious Heretic Badge of Honor for Spring 2011. Wear it well, mysterious pseudonymous author. Wear it well.

The best comparison I can make for the advanced SF reader would have to be Philip K. Dick's classic The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch. Not only is WGWD in a similar league of impressive titulature, the author's writing style has a comparable what the heck? effect. Like PKD, CP's novel WGWD (see what I did there?) treads the border of idiosyncratic and incomprehensible-and does so admirably well.

Recommendation: Devout Christians probably shouldn't read WGWD. No, devout Christians definitely shouldn't read this book. Spoiler alert: Devout Christians might start crying if they read this book. But for the rest of us, Whom God Would Destroy is the most brilliant irreligious romp I've been fortunate enough to read.

Reading Time: 2-3 weeks in a busy month.

Availability: At $0.99 as an ebook, WGWD is a blasphemous bargain. This is one of the highest-quality indie books I've reviewed on the Scattering, and far and away the most entertaining.

3 people found this helpful

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Tracy

Bizarre But Beautifully Blasphemous

Reviewed in the United States on June 23, 2011

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Dropping Himself back down to Earth in 1987 at the height of the "Me" decade, the ruler of all things perversely practical jokey (aka God) has a grand scheme...er...enlightened plan...to pull yet another one over on the unsuspecting but far too pitiful masses of humanity. With a New Age store and a bell, he gears up for reaching out and touching many, many people. He finds Oliver.

Oliver is sort of the Everyman of mental health. As an outreach counselor, he's surrounded by the mentally unstable, and in truth, he's often a little befuddled by it all. Until he meets Jeremy (yeah...that'd be God). Then things get a little weird for this mild mannered, innocuous little man.

Take one God, one Everyman, a few functioning neurotics and psychotics, questionable therapy, drugs, sex, and aliens on a quest to either experience the Ultimate Orgasm or kill everyone trying, and you've got one seriously messed up but completely compelling pseudo masterpiece of blasphemous delight.

I was genuinely surprised at how very much I enjoyed this wacky little tale. It's not my normal cuppa, that's for sure. Despite that, I found myself drawn into the story and eerily caught by the antics of the characters. As it turns out, I liked it quite a bit. Oh, I knew I was going to have a special place in my heart for the blasphemy. I do so love a good blaspheme. What I wasn't expecting was a rather remarkably well-told satirical parable.

Credit must be given to the author known by his Commander Pants nom de plume (at least I sincerely hope it's a nom de plume). It's not often that I find such convincing evidence of a truly gifted storyteller with solid technical writing skills, and certainly not amongst independent authors. The smooth level of sophistication in the characters and the narrative and a slick but spatter-patterned plot imbues this story with a unique freshness that was very appealing.

The plot was bizarre. And twisted. It first snagged, then held my attention with its seemingly random and wacky happenstance. Sure, it danced the rumba over the line between mad brilliance and absurdity more than once, and a few of the plot points seemed a bit unnecessary (I still don't know what the point of Greg's storyline was), but to be fair, it's also entirely possible that I just lack the superlative erudition necessary to fit every one of the pieces together. With a book like this, it's a little hard to tell.

I definitely wouldn't recommend this to those for whom religion is as serious a subject as Big Macs are to the OOklah. For everyone else, though, especially those with a fondness for the freaky and a preference for the peculiar, this is a weird but oddly entertaining bit of blasphemy that I heartily embraced.

~*~*~*~
Reviewed for One Good Book Deserves Another.

Disclaimer: I was provided a copy of this book for free from the author for the purpose of an honest review...though he may have had more nefarious intentions. Like instilling random fast food cravings, a yearning for big hair bands, and a weird aversion to the therapy that I may need after reading this. Regardless, all ratings, thoughts, and feelings expressed in this review are my own.

2 people found this helpful

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BigAl

Whom God Would Destroy

Reviewed in the United States on May 6, 2012

Verified Purchase

If you can't find the humor in killing or at least maiming a sacred cow or two (literally, given all the Big Macs consumed), then this isn't the book for you. But if a little light-hearted blasphemy sounds fun, if poking fun at religion, the mental health profession, and just about everything to do with your fellow earthlings sounds like a good time, have I got the book for you.

Seriously (or at least as serious as I can be about this book), how people react to humor can vary and it is often dependent on the subjects they are capable of laughing at and those they always take seriously. I found this very funny. If none of the items above is one of your sacred cows, you should find it funny too.

**Originally written for "Books and Pals" book blog. May have received a free review copy. **

Reviewed in the United States on June 13, 2013

Verified Purchase

I had a lot of hope for this book. In some ways, it delivered. It is somewhat funny. The characters are entertaining. But when it came to putting everything together, it just did not gel. I almost felt like I needed to be on a drug high in order to understand the book.

3 people found this helpful

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troy deatherage

Free Reading Materials

Reviewed in the United States on March 9, 2013

Verified Purchase

Since learning to read as a member of a poor family, I have been drawn to free reading material. Since the start of the Digital Era, I have been downloading books. Therefore, since seeing this book listed for free in The Kindle Store, I have been reading it. I always make it a point to finish any free reading I find, be it a section of newspaper blowing down the street, a magazine from a waiting room, a book abandoned on public transportation, even a grocery list left in a shopping cart. Sometimes I am pleased with the content, sometimes ambivalent, but more often than not I am disappointed. (I can usually tell which it will be very early in the process, but always continue to the end..... You never know when a pig wearing a top-hat might run by.) Point is, free reading material is a crapshoot with roulette odds stacked in favor of the house.
The cover art had me thinking that I was about to lose another bet..... After reading the first two pages, I realized the dice were still spinning. I just finished the last epilogue.... Progressive Jackpot!
I would have paid money for this book, and will for future works from this writer (unless I find them in a Laundromat first.....)

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Top reviews from other countries

sinope

wild, funny and clever

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 5, 2012

Verified Purchase

I really enjoyed this mad story. It is a fast paced, intriguing story that delivers plenty of laughs along the way. But there's a bit more to it than that... intertwined with the fiction are nuggets to chew on - food for thought about the nature of reality, delusion and the human condition. Hold on to your hats...

Apollo

Cleverly Crafted!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 22, 2012

Verified Purchase

Take the second coming, mental illness, interstellar space travel, MacDonalds, a hodge podge of disparate characters, then add a little biblical philosophy and top up with the search for an orgasm and what you will get is this interesting read. Previously people have mentioned Pratchett and Adams, I'd have to say I don't see any Pratchett but there is a passing nod to Douglas Adams therein.

The story itself is a convoluted tale centering on 6 or so characters (it might be more due to schizophrenia) in which the author seeks to have us question the validity of assuming people who make outlandish claims might simply be mentally ill. We are taken behind the mind, so to speak of these people and shown a world view that differs greatly from our carefully constructed reality.

The book, to me, was interesting and a little (not much) thought-provoking although I certainly would be stretching it to call it funny or comical but, then again, humour is subjective so your mileage may vary.

The tale seems to lag a bit in the middle third and just about loses its way before the author picks it up and stitches the narrative together again but, ultimately, I failed to see what, if any, point he was aiming at. To me, it felt a little unresolved at the end I'm afraid to say and I got the impression that the author had run out of ideas.

I think I was reading too much into the script!

It's fun and certainly worth a look at and I have no hesitation in recommending it to you.

3 people found this helpful

Paul Cook

Plodding

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 25, 2015

Verified Purchase

What starts off with the nice premise of the 'second coming' in a modern world rapidly drifts into a plodding tale of a mental health outreach centre and the various relationships between staff and patients. It all seems rather dragged out - I get where the author is trying to be funny but it just doesn't work, maybe because he takes so long to get anywhere. The central character, Jeremy, 'the messiah' doesn't feature enough. He gets his five minutes at the end but even that is unsatisfactory. The ending, when it finally came, is dismal. It feels like the author got bored of his own story so suddenly concludes it in a series of epilogues which themselves do not fully finish the story. The book would have benefited a proof read, with just short of 40 typos, the grating interruptions are fairly frequent. I made it to the end so two stars rather than one.