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The first three books of the Godsmacked series.
Godsmacked
In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth. And then, roughly thirteen billion years later a loser was born. The most important loser in the history of boring losers.
Steve Finkle thinks he's just a regular guy, but he's about to find out that he's a direct descendent of the messiah himself, Jesus Christ, and the boss is finally coming back -- in the form of Steve's grandson, decades in the future. (and no, that's not "kind of like incest". Not even a little bit.)
Now the heroes of the Old Testament are returning to the earth to protect Steve from the forces of darkness. King David, in the guise of a world-famous rock star, will be his personal bodyguard. Which is good news for Steve, since the bumbling members of an ancient cult are currently vying for his blood, not to mention the seductive demoness, determined to lure him over to the dark side by any means necessary.
The only thing certain for Steve now is that his future will be anything but boring.
False Idols
King David of Israel as a womanizing rock-star, the legendary Samson as a hard-boiled cop (with great hair) and the average schmuck destined to father the lineage of the second coming of Christ. You know when you've been Godsmacked.
A month has passed since Steve Finkle learned of his special destiny as the grandfather-to-be of Jesus Christ. He's moved into Dave's luxury villa in the hills above Hollywood and life couldn't be better. But an ancient force has returned to the streets of Los Angeles, a demon from the annals of time, and it has something to do with the Brotherhood of Ba'al, the shady cult currently on the hunt for Steve's blood.
Looks like the honeymoon's finally over for Steve and the will of God.
Personality Cult
Ex-dating Guru "Golden" Moe Mercedes is possessed with a powerful vision. He wants to start a congregation of faithful followers and then ship them off to South America where they can be bask in his wonderful glow. But vision isn't the only thing that's possessing Moe Mercedes these days. Deep inside him lies an ancient darkness, a terrible force that threatens to destroy anyone who comes into his path.
Elsewhere in LA, the grandfather-to-be of the second coming of Jesus Christ (it's a long story), Steve Finkle receives a letter from his ex-girlfriend. She says that her latest boyfriend has gone insane with power after starting a cult and now she's afraid for her life. Looks like it's up to Steve to do something about it.
Together with his room-mate, the one time king of ancient Israel now famous rock-star David Guthrie, Steve must infiltrate the cult of Mercedology and accompany the Moeites to their secret base in South America before it's too late and the love of his life is no more.
Along the way they team up with a local bad-boy and his elderly grandfather, an eccentric witchdoctor with a taste for the Grateful Dead, and zoom towards a climactic confrontation with the demonic self-help guru and his hellish congregation.
These are the early days of the apocalypse and Steve Finkle's finally starting to get used to all the weird.
40,000 words
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