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This second edition published September 2025! With a new afterword.
If I told you I'd been to twenty one countries by the age of twenty-two, that I'd worked in Japan for nine months, toured Australia for six months, enjoyed seven months in Thailand and met and campaigned for the Orangutan in Borneo, you might think that I was pretty lucky.
If I told you I'd worked in the hotel industry, for a sexual health clinic and with prisoners in a drug cell block of a male prison, that I'd worked as a recruitment consultant, in so many office jobs I've lost count. As well as having my own company and multiple websites, at age thirty-six, then you might think I've had an interesting life.
But if I added to that a mix of child rape, mental health problems, promiscuity, drug taking, alcohol abuse, eating disorders, self-harm, violence, mood swings, obsession, jealousy, loss of self worth, being raised by a mentally ill mother, bankruptcy, thyroid and gastro problems and public masturbation in school at age nine, then I am not sure what you'd think.
But this is me; Amanda Green. This is my life, my story, my journey back to me from depression, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder - mental illness which manifested during my life and came out 'to its peak' in my thirties. I was able to use my collection of mementos, diaries, journals, letters, emails and text messages of my past to finally see who I had become, and more importantly, with a combination of therapy, medication and my writing, how I became that alien self and how I found the real me.
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