Before we begin, you should know:

VILLAINY IS APPARENTLY CONTAGIOUS.

Even LISTENING to a Villain can get you accused of Villainy, even if you listen with scorn. The Writings of Villains are secret runes, innocuous at first glance, but addictive, seductive, and, in the end, ineluctable.

In short, whatever you do, DON'T READ THESE WRITINGS.

Contained in this deceptively slim volume are many, many little stories, largely in assorted scifi/fantasy/speculative fiction settings (and don't get us STARTED on the Fairy Tales). They're often satirical, frequently sharp-edged, sometimes poison-tipped, and what's worse is, NONE of them show proper respect and reverence to Heroes, much less Goodness, Truth, and Light.

This is clearly Very Bad, and you should STAY FAR AWAY FROM THIS BOOK.

I mean, you're familiar with Atlantis, surely? It drowned because its citizens didn't recognize the basic truth: words are immensely powerful, and thus need to be trapped beneath layers of fear, shame, guilt, and unhappiness. We need to rely those who seek selflessly to protect us by trying to blot out, censor, cancel, or silence the wrong words; and if all of those Wards and Circles of Protection fail us, we've nothing left to fall on except the knowledge that we're bad people for doing all this reading, and we should feel the most hideous Remorse.

Because otherwise...

Otherwise, how will we know which things are acceptable to do, speak, and think?

It's those damn Villainpunks, the Dark Lords, Villains, and Monsters who break rules, disobey, and challenge the ideas of what's permissible and what's possible. They're beasts; unruly, unrulable; rogues, cads, ne'er-do-wells, rakehells, vagabonds, pirates, FIENDS.

And you surely don't want to be like them.

Wait.

... you DO?

DAMNIT, IT'S TOO LATE. THE CONTAGION HAS SPREAD, AND YOU ARE INFECTED.

Well, nothing for it, then. Best buy this book and resign yourself to a live of infamy. Pull up a seat at the bar; first round's on the house.

Oh, and sometimes there's poetry. Sorry. Nothing we can do about it; the Management has a thing for silly rhymes.

___

MONSTERS are we? Oh, good heavenses
This news might spoil our elevenses
I gotta tell you, it ain't right
To put us off our appetite.

MONSTERS are we? Bloody cheek!
I ain't done nothin' bad this week
I've 'alf a mind to cry a river.
But firstly, I shall eat your liver.

~Jeff Mach,
Dark Lord

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• Literature & FictionHumor & SatireGeneral Humor
• Literature & FictionHumor & SatireSatire
• Literature & FictionGenre FictionAnthologies

• Publication Date: January 10, 2020
• Text-to-Speech: Disabled
• Lending: Disabled
• Print Length: 146 Pages
• File Size: 33 KB