Can two very wrongs, make a right?

Most of us have a dream. I've given up on mine.

My life's been perfectly, perfect. No trauma, no excruciating heartbreaks, no delectable skeletons in my closet.

All of which are essential attributes to writing a great country song.

You see, great songs don't appear at the end of rainbows. They're formed out of the dog shit you step in before getting fired, or the rain on grand final day, or the flat tyre on your way to the emergency department.

I'll never be a great songwriter. I'm not even mediocre. I'm ready to give up.

When I agree to drive Jools, a virtual stranger, to the Wortmouth Country Music Festival, after spending eight hours in the car together, I want to cut off my own ears. When she offers to change my life if I follow three simple tasks, it's all I can do to keep a straight face. Then I figure, what could go wrong? And if it does, won't that great make material for a song? (See. I'm rhyming already.)

Maybe, just maybe, there's still time for my life to fall apart. Hallelujah.

That is, until the worst happens. I get teamed up with a man whose singing voice is as terrible as my songs. My life is about to get very much worse.

Is a miserable life all it's cracked up to be?

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• Literature & FictionHumor & SatireSatire

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