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Description
What if the self that made you successful is the thing keeping you from being alive?
Alex has built his life around control. He can read any room, steady any crisis, and hide fear behind competence. But after one bad decision at work harms a colleague, the system he trusts begins to fail. Sleepless nights turn strange. A community garden under threat starts to matter too much. And in his dreams, Alan Watts appears with questions Alex cannot answer and cannot ignore.
As grief, memory, and desire begin to loosen the life he has carefully managed, Alex is drawn toward people and places that refuse to be mastered. A woman running a failing tea house. A severe movement teacher. A city lot fighting to survive. The father he has lost and the self he may be losing with him.
For readers drawn to Alan Watts and emotionally charged literary fiction, this is a novel of awakening, grief, and the unsettling possibility that freedom begins when control finally gives way.
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